Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
