Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize