he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
