look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
