You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
