If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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