i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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