I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
