I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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