I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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