New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
