yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
