Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
if only i could text you this smell
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
