Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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