just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
