what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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