cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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