i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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