My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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