Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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