im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
