I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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