Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
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we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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