My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize