I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
