Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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