My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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