I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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