just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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