Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This baby is an asshole
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
