Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
