Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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