He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
