Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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