It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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