Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
