so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
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