im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
