And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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