so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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