I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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