I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
