I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
