Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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