Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
