I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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