the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
