she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
