as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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