the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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