Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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