No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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