You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
