Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
my liver is dry heaving
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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