1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
