return my video game
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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