plz talk dirty to me
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
