I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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