Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
