she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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