I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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