I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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